72 | "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus—But What About Hormones? Dr. John Gray Explains"

🎙️ Podcast Show Notes 

Episode Description:
Ever wondered why men and women seem to speak entirely different languages when it comes to love and relationships? Or why some connections feel effortless while others feel like hard work? 🤔

In this episode, I sit down with the legendary Dr. John Gray, author of the world-famous book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. We dive deep into how hormones impact attraction, communication, and relationship dynamics in today’s dating world. Dr. Gray shares eye-opening insights on how testosterone, estrogen, and even stress hormones affect how we connect, fall in love, and stay in harmony with the opposite sex.

Tune in to learn:
✨ Why men and women process emotions so differently (hint: hormones play a HUGE role!)
✨ How your hormones affect who you’re attracted to and why that changes over time
✨ The secret to creating lasting passion and connection in your relationships
✨ How to naturally balance your hormones for better love, communication, and intimacy

Whether you're single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, this episode is packed with relationship gold you won’t want to miss! 🎧💖

About Dr. John Gray:
Dr. John Gray is a world-renowned relationship expert and the author of over 20 books, including the international bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which has sold over 50 million copies worldwide and been translated into 45 languages! 🌍

For decades, Dr. Gray has been helping men and women understand each other better, improve communication, and create lasting love. His groundbreaking work explores the biological and hormonal differences between men and women, offering practical advice on how to build thriving relationships in today's fast-paced world.

Find Dr. John Gray Online & Join His Program:
🌎 Website: www.marsvenus.com
📖 Books & Resources: www.marsvenus.com/books
🎥 YouTube: @MarsVenus
📲 Instagram: @johngraymarsvenus
👥 Join His Relationship Program: www.marsvenus.com/coaching

If you loved this episode, be sure to:
✅ Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode!
✅ Leave a review & share it with a friend who NEEDS to hear this!
✅ Drop a comment below—what was your biggest takeaway from this convo with Dr. Gray? 💬⬇️

#PodcastInterview #DrJohnGray #MenAreFromMars #WomenAreFromVenus #RelationshipAdvice #HormonesAndLove #DatingAndRelationships #RichFitAndHappy

Sign up with Ageless Ambition by visiting https://www.AgelessAmbition.com

You can also schedule a call with me or one of my team members at https://www.calendly.com/wealthy-wellness

Health and Wellness practitioners: you can learn more at http://www.WealthyWellnessAcademy.com

Transcript

# Recording podcast Dr John Gray

 Hello, welcome to Rich Fit and Happy. I am sitting here with Dr. John Gray, the infamous author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. And we're going to talk about a topic that I've been fascinated with. I've been going through it because I'm in midlife as well. So that is mostly who I talk to and who listens to my podcast and the fact that hormones drop like they do.

And it's rarely talked about, especially in the dating world. fascinating. So Dr Gray here is the first that I saw talking about it online. And it's I feel like it's just the foundation of how we feel and how we interact with each other because they are dictating a lot more than we think. Dr. Gray?

Oh, absolutely. They detect almost everything. As far as our mood goes, our motivation goes, our energy happens, the polarity between men and women, what makes women more attracted to [00:01:00] men, what makes men more attracted to women. It's all about the balance of hormones that you're making. Okay. So let's bring some clarity because I think we women are confused.

I'm sure men are too, but We're faced with something already big and in midlife. Okay. And that is some of a lot of us are divorced now, you know that and then some of us, our spouses have died. And so that's one thing we're also faced with. Depleting energy and the physical aspects and how we feel about ourselves because we're not happy aging.

I see it all over online But what's going on with dating you were able to share this I saw some videos out there with you delving into this and I want you to do that again right now What's going on with the dating world as opposed to in our yesteryears? You have an expectation. What aspect of it were you wanting me to talk about?

I'll just okay. So where do [00:02:00] you want to take it? Do you want to go with hormones and what we're faced with there or technology? Whatever was exciting you that I said, I'll start with that. All of it. Okay. So let's start with the hormones. So I, one thing that you, you've not mentioned and I'll bring it up is that women are becoming we're losing estrogen.

Okay. That changes the game for us. How we feel about ourselves, how we mentally feel the brain is full of estrogen receptors. And if we don't have enough estrogen, we're not going to react to men. I know that really low estrogen levels when they drop cause women to not even want to date men.

Okay. So when you have men, they'll never be enough. Estrogen produces a calming effect in the brain where you feel, I have enough. And if you don't have that calming effect, your brain goes into a bias towards looking at problems. I can say he's really a good guy, but your brain, if it's experiencing this bias, will find [00:03:00] things that keep you from feeling the spark.

You can't feel the spark unless your estrogen levels reach a certain level. So let's explore the foundation of this concept, which, as you point, nobody talks about this other than give you hormones, and the reality is your body can make hormones, and there are certain supplements that can help along the way, but from my point of view, more important is that you understand what stimulates hormones, what stimulates estrogen, What stimulates testosterone?

Because as women move through menopause, one of the major things that's going to happen is their estrogen levels will drop. And it still can be enough to calm the brain and lower her stress levels if she has the right balance of estrogen with testosterone. Okay, so these are these, we say now it's a good expression, our male side, our female side.

And so many women are saying, I want to come back to my female side. And what does that mean? I'll define it in [00:04:00] biochemical terms. When you're on your female side, Your estrogen levels are much higher than when you're on your male side. When you're on your male side, your testosterone tends to go up.

Now, what is that male side? There's a lot of examples of it, but whenever you feel Alone, your testosterone goes up. When women come in for counseling over 50 years, they often, when I'm asking what they're feeling, what's going on, it's awesome. I feel overwhelmed. I have no time. I'm busy all the time.

There's not enough. There's not enough. And if they're married, it's not enough affection. It's not enough support. If they're single, there's not enough good men in the world. Are you referring to Maggie? That, that comes out later. Okay. But. There's this general feeling of not enough, which is always going to be the case when a woman produces oxytocin.

Now, oxytocin is this hormone that everybody [00:05:00] thinks lowers women's stress, but actually it raises your stress. This is. What people don't understand is that oxytocin, when a woman is experiencing moderate stress or even cortisol, so you have adrenaline, you have cortisol. Adrenaline is moderate stress, which pretty much women today live in all the time.

According to research studies, it shows that women in the workforce experience double the cortisol levels of men. And when they return home, whether they're single or married, their cortisol levels double again. Why? Because, I can live in a messy house, women can't. Most women want it to be orderly, want it to be clean, they want to eat good food they're responsible for things.

Whereas a man can just wait till the last minute and everything's a mess and then clean it up. And then you wonder, why did I marry this guy? When you were dating, he was living in his own apartment, so you didn't see what it's like. And when you came over, he would clean it up, of course, waiting to the last minute.

You were mentioning [00:06:00] my ADD book, but that's part of what a symptom of ADD is. It's exaggerated masculinity. That aspect of it is you wait until the last minute to where the emergency occurs, emergencies, stimulate dopamine. Dopamine raises testosterone for men and gives them motivation and interest.

Dopamine for women, if they feel safe, if oxytocin is being produced when a woman is feeling safe. Then her oxytocin will be produced because she's feeling danger, but something's making her feel safe. This is the paradox of oxytocin. For 20 years, they've been telling women that, when you have oxytocin, it will lower your stress levels.

But actually, and it's a subtle point, but it makes a good point. Oxytocin, whenever you're stressed, your body makes oxytocin. And when you're stressed, oxytocin gets produced, it gives your brain the message. I need love and support. What raises estrogen is love and [00:07:00] support. What raises estrogen is feeling I have help, feeling I can ask for help.

Now, traditionally, women can get enough estrogen from having a community of other women that support them. Can I interject something right there? So I don't forget, because one thing that I want to touch on is that the ovaries actually stopped making estrogen. There are different types of estrogen, but they say that the most important is estradiol and your ovaries stop making that.

So there is this little argument or suggestion that we can go ahead and make it and get to the level that we were at in our thirties, and I've heard we absolutely cannot without hormone replacement. You won't get estradiol, but you're not designed to make estradiol. You're designed as a woman. I have client women in their late 70s who are multi orgasmic with their partners.

Their estrogen is doing just fine. It's produced by the adrenaline at that point. It's not estradiol. It's another form of estrone or I forget the name of it, but it's [00:08:00] another form of estrogen, which you're designed to make at that time when your ovaries stop making estrogen, then it kicks into gear where your adrenal gland starts producing the estrogen that you need to lower your stress levels.

Now, the estradiol needs to be balanced by progesterone when you're cycling. Let's understand a little about women's hormones. After your menses, your estrogen levels start to rise along with your testosterone. That's your female side, your male side. Your male side we're defining as testosterone. Why?

Because men need to make ten times more in order to be happy. Women need to make ten times more estrogen, generally speaking, to be happy when they're going through their cycle. Then to ovulate it needs to double. And during that time of ovulation if she doesn't get the support for it to double, she's very unhappy.

And if she gets the support for feeling loved and supported, then she's very happy and she's orgasmic. Okay? So that, that's your distinction here, is it? [00:09:00] So naturally her cycle is she needs to go up to a peak of estrogen. Then it needs to drop about 80 percent to 60 percent and progesterone needs to go up.

So when progesterone doesn't go up, We call that estrogen dominance and makes it sound like estrogens a bad thing because this is when women really have a trouble is when their progesterone levels at that time of their cycle are low. Rarely does a woman feel suicidal unless it's five days before a period.

That's the tough time. I've experienced that, what you're referring to, this drop and read a book by Dr. Lee and started buying the cream and putting it on. So during my 40s, I'm telling you, it saved my life. Because I would go into just like you said five days before I would notice it. It was a depression.

Exactly. Depression happens at that time. And, that's the whole PMS thing, too. It's just not enough progesterone. Now, what causes that hormonal imbalance? Because your body is designed to do it. [00:10:00] It's not designed to go low. But if you're too far on your male side, you're making too much testosterone, and it uses up your progesterone to make testosterone.

Okay. It's a bunch of sequences of changing just like that. And so your body naturally makes testosterone, but if you make too much testosterone during that time, it uses up your progesterone because progesterone is the precursor for women to make testosterone and it's all made out of her adrenal glands.

Okay, so it comes from her adrenal gland. The ovaries make her estrogen, and when her estrogen, estradiol, when the ovaries are no longer producing it, then your adrenal gland has to kick in to make your other estrogen that you get. And it's perfectly fine. It's what you need at that time. It's how you're designed to be.

It's just that the challenge is if you've been too far on your male side, you're stressed out because number one, when women are on their male side, they're often not attending to feeling [00:11:00] where can I get support? I have to do it myself. And a lot of single women, if they don't have a rich personal life or a rich inner life, if you're more extroverted, you need to have.

activities with other people where you can depend on them. If you're more introverted, you need to feel like you have the support to not be overly giving to other people. We all have differences, so I'm covering the big differences. Now, when you're in the land of progesterone after ovulation, what makes progesterone behaviorally is doing what you like.

It's social bonding if you're an extrovert and it's time for yourself if you're an introvert doing nurturing things for yourself. And yet what I hear women saying all the time is I'm too busy and I have no time for me. Their progesterone will be too low. So yeah, Dr. Lee did say you can take progesterone and that is, can be very helpful if you get the right amount.

And again, that's not my expertise telling people, but that's an over the counter thing that people can take. Now, you've hit menopause, [00:12:00] so what's going on there is, if it's a struggle, it's because the adrenal gland is burnt out. All the hot flashes, sleepless nights, irritability, mood changes, and so forth, all have to do with this inability to make the healthy balance of estrogen form of estrogen along with testosterone.

Progesterone is no longer the major behavior that you need to focus on. It's. Feeling I can make a difference. I'm giving to other people, but also I have people supporting me in my life. The major factor for receiving support from a man is vulnerability. You don't have to be so vulnerable with another woman, two women can just talk and kind of understand, you walk in the same shoes so you can understand how uncomfortable your shoes are, you don't have to really be articulate about your emotions, you just tell a story, and that's a very sort of superficial conversation, but because you're relating to another woman, you feel connection.

A man will be bored [00:13:00] completely, okay, so he has no way to reference what bothers you. Okay. I have a question about something I heard you say that women should talk more than men though. Tell me what you meant by that. If a man's going to get to know you, he has to see you. He has to connect with you.

And the way he connects with you is not by talking too much in your head about what happened, what didn't happen, what somebody said, what they didn't say, whatever. That's called the story. Men generally become bored with the story. But if you would go a little deeper. It's ironic. Women are always saying, I want deep conversations with men.

But my experience, what is a deep conversation? It's when you begin to feel emotions. When you begin to draw, describe situations that make you feel frustrated. And you actually say, I was so frustrated when this and this happened. I am so disappointed because I arrived late and I was supposed to be on time.

And when I wasn't able to give my presentation, I was very embarrassed. When you say to a man, I, something happened and I felt embarrassed, he'll immediately penetrate you [00:14:00] in his heart with his motions. He wants to connect with you and what women make the mistake of doing, which is why you've heard me say, talk more than a man.

Because anytime you're listening to a man, you're on your male side. Anytime a man is listening to you, you're on your female side. I wish men understood this more because it seems like my friends and I talk about this girlfriends that men just want to talk at us. And puff themselves up and talk about.

So what's, how do we only because you ask questions and you listen, I know women, I'd say that what you do is you feel the silence. You'll start asking questions. You want to make conversation. You want to give him what you would want. You're the best interviewers ever. You ask questions and you show interest.

And so he starts talking about himself. So now he just keeps on talking about himself because he thinks that's what you want. Everybody's saying men should talk. They should share and they shouldn't. You just they shouldn't talk so much. Okay. It puts a woman into her male side. If you look at married [00:15:00] couples, it used to be women say, Oh, I want to hear what he's saying.

And then when he starts talking about what he's saying, what he feels, Oh my God, talking about his feelings is he'll go on and on. Now he starts having bad moods. He complains about this. Very intimidating to a woman. And if you complain about anything, he'll complain more. Men are competitive.

Don't get men talking. This is the most politically insane and incorrect thing for me to say, but it's what everybody's doing is they're telling women penetrate men. If you penetrate men, he only has one hole. Think about it yet. Okay. So women are designed to receive a man. That's femininity. Receptive.

What are the symptoms of receptivity is when you're feeling happy. because you're feeling support. Not because you went out and did something for yourself, although that's being receptive to somebody, something making you happy. That's, but for a man to experience your receptivity, he needs to experience on a positive level that you're happy with him.

You're grateful for him, that what he [00:16:00] says makes sense. And what, that's a good transition there is when he's talking too much. Get him to stop talking in a nice way. It's just women are the embodiments of wisdom. You just have to access your wisdom, but women have lost it to a great extent because they've been misled by psychology.

They've been misled by the idea that we're not that different. And. I think it's wonderful and important for women to evolve into a being who has access to her male side and her female side. So if you're stuck in a bad relationship, you leave, it's as simple as that. And so women should have the right to express their power, just like men should have the right to spend time with their children and be homemakers and be with their family.

Okay, so we've expanded. Our roles are no longer rigid, but our hormones are biological destiny. If you're not getting feeling supported, seeing seen, heard, responded to, nurtured, your female side's gonna crash. And so what you end up doing when you're not being nurtured is you nurture [00:17:00] him. Never nurture a man other than give him the opportunity to nurture you.

When you give more to a man, He's going to just be like, Oh, I must've done something great. I like this. He doesn't bond when he's on his female side. He only bonds when he penetrates you by providing something for you that makes you happy. Like you go out to dinner. I was just talking to somebody saying that, it was one of my clients in England.

She says the men don't pay for the meals there. They're so role reversal. It's like a, all this. Ridiculous stuff about men and women should be the same. Everything's equal. We should have equal respect. Absolutely. But we're not the same. The whole courting process, the falling in love process, sweeping a woman off her feet is when a man does things for her and she appreciates it.

So this is like shifting our attention. So at a meal, often what happens for a woman is You know, she feels like I can pay the dinner just like he can pay the dinner. She's a working woman So she feels guilty letting him pay [00:18:00] for the meal. So this I have never felt guilty. I know you haven't i'm from the 80s.

We right and that's where women need to be There are a lot more women in relationships in the 80s than there are now. There's half as many So it's whole modern world is learning taking women away from being feminine where they can ask for help and they can get it And ask for a man to do things for her because when she ever appreciates what he does, his emotions go up.

And his testosterone too, right? I've heard you say that. Yeah, the testosterone goes up anytime a man does something for a woman and she smiles and reacts, his testosterone goes up, which is leads to asking men to do things for you. Okay. So many times women have this sort of thing. I can do it myself. It's almost like she wants to prove to him that she's so strong.

Let's arm wrestle. Man's not going to fall in love with you if you arm wrestle him and beat him. If you can, don't arm wrestle ever. And the funny thing about that though, is that if a [00:19:00] woman doesn't. If a woman can arm wrestle a guy, she'll often win if it's a leg wrestle. Women have way more power in their hips and their legs than men do.

Yes. I've heard that. You never want to win that. Okay. There's, I see a little of this going on online, this women wanting to compete and think that they're, so it confuses me because I don't naturally ever want to do that, but getting back to what you had you've In your book. So technology let's look at that technology has changed things.

I think we're becoming, or our youth are becoming more confused. I said, I want to talk about midlife and women and men dating in their forties, fifties, but so we've talked about hormones. Let's talk about technology and porn. I don't want to talk about porn necessarily, but what it's doing, I found to be super interesting because I knew that it was messing things up.

I've heard it out there [00:20:00] and it's. You said it's giving men instant gratification, doing something to their dopamine instead of raising their testosterone or it's raising it quickly. And then it drops, it will drop below normal a good 20%. It will go under normal, which then makes them crave that.

the boost he gets from fantasy sex. Anytime you put a digital thing in your brain, it will make more dopamine. That's the addiction of high stimulation. Now add sex to that and naked women. What that happens is the most primitive part of a man's brain is the sex part of the brain. And it gets turned on whenever a woman presents herself as if she wants to have sex with him.

It goes back to our, we could say it goes back to when we were monkeys. So the monkey brain, it's in there. It's just like a monkey's part of it. And in a monkey tribe, there's the main guy that all the women want to have sex with. He's the alpha male. And the betas don't get sex unless they sneak around.

He might kill them if he finds out. But [00:21:00] basically, the women want the genes of the most powerful man. It's a natural attraction. And that most powerful man puts out a smell, and that smell comes from High testosterone. So the king of the monkey tribe makes twice as much testosterone as all the other monkeys.

So you've got a beta, an alpha, and you've got all betas. And the women want the alpha. As soon as the alpha dies, the monkeys will fight amongst themselves, and the winner, that beta monkey, in one day, becomes the alpha. Because he won the prize, and all the women want to be with him. And it's the women wanting to be with him sexually that causes his testosterone level to double.

Wow. To double. To double. To double. And it's a woman's desire for a man, her interest in him, her appreciation for him, her admiration in him, her depending on him, looking to him as a monkey for sex, as a woman you look to a man for supporting you in all these different ways. That is what keeps his testosterone levels high.

So [00:22:00] are you saying that a man that remains single for a large part of his life has lower testosterone just naturally? No. Oh, it turns out that first of all, I'm 73 years old. My testosterone is 50 percent higher than when I was a young man. I'm an alpha. I'm anyway, I'm successful. Put it that way.

My wife is very satisfied. I know how to make love. I have sex several times a week, if not twice a night, sometimes because of my testosterone levels and knowing how to satisfy her. When a man knows how to satisfy a woman, that's one of the things that will fill her body with estrogen, okay? Rising higher and higher.

It's just a man has to be able to last long enough, but also feel emotionally engaged. When you see the porn films, these guys have no emotion. They're just like machines going off. And then you get the guys with a lot of emotion, it's too exciting for them and they come too soon. What a woman needs is a man who can stay balanced and is masculine and feminine.

And porn, and it will [00:23:00] Completely change all of that. What it does is it. It makes sex extremely goal oriented because there's no intimacy. See, it's just sexual with a fantasy. And so it's very intense. It's more intense. Like you take all his sex energy and you squeeze it and throw it out. It's like a big sneeze, satisfying sneeze, no doubt.

But it's not like riding waves of her pleasure. What happens in a man's brain when he loves a woman it also happens when he doesn't love a woman. He will Is, we have these mirror neurons in our brain. Now women, your mirror neurons are almost all open all the time unless you're highly stressed.

That means you can feel what other people feel. You have empathy. It's a natural thing. You'll be thinking about what this person feels and this person feels. And sometimes women are, they're too wide, so all they think about is other people's needs and not their own. And that's called feeling overwhelmed.

How many women are overwhelmed? It's what happens is stress causes women's receptor sites to open up. [00:24:00] An insight, very profound insight for women to know. When a man experiences moderate stress, that means his body's making some adrenaline, all of his mirror cells shut down. He has no ability to know what you feel or to feel connected to you.

So you could say one thing to him and he now has to feel a little threatened by it. His mirror cells set down and you just feel complete disconnection and you freak out because for a woman to have that much disconnection, she would have to be experiencing chronic high stress and then her receptor sites will close down.

So she imagines it always to be much worse than it is. If you're talking to a guy on a date and he seems like he pulls away, all you have to do is say, Oh, you're thinking about that, in a friendly tone. And he'll say, Yeah. And the tone of voice will let you know that he's not chronically stressed and upset with you.

But he's thinking about. Men tend to have, Women have nine times more connective tissue in their brain than men. That's the white matter in the brain. So you're using all parts of the brain at the same time. You say something, he's got to think [00:25:00] about it, he'll disconnect with you temporarily and think about that thing.

Meanwhile, his receptor sites, because it might have been a little challenging or threatening to him did I say something wrong and now she's saying that, or what am I going to say? His mirrors would just turn off. It's just into a woman that is so profound. She experiences because women depend upon connection in order to produce estrogen.

So anytime a woman is stressed, her body makes this hormones, stress hormones, but it also makes oxytocin, which says I need help. But if you don't know how to get help or support, then you start becoming needy and needy. is painful. So that's one of the ways women avoid pain is going further to their male side.

So it just gets worse and worse like a snowball going down the hill. So there's a thing which women will experience is chronic stress. And that chronic stress exhausts the adrenal gland so that when you hit menopause it's not able to perform like it should and give you the estrogen that you [00:26:00] need.

So I don't know if you want to take this into one in an, I don't know if it's narcissism or what, but some men that appear alpha later don't want to help you and seem annoyed in order to help you. Is that a narcissistic trait? Because I've seen a narcissistic trait. It would be almost every man I've ever counseled or every woman who's been in a relationship.

So narcissists are really very, maybe one out of a hundred maybe even five out of a hundred. You get sociopaths are 10 out of a hundred. I don't know if sociopaths can be redeemed. It's not like they have a sign saying sociopath, but what you just described as a typical man and what it is, Describe them again.

Let me piece it. Every little piece that you just said was perfect. So they seem to be the alpha male because they do the things that you have mentioned. So they seem to enjoy helping, enjoy being there for you, enjoy you asking for any kind of help. Then once [00:27:00] you marry them or you're in a relationship with them longer than a year or two years, it changes and they don't seem to want to help.

Okay. They want you to be a problem. The reality is that the potential for him to help is there, but he can't access it. Okay. That's not narcissism. Just like the potential for a woman to be happy and feel love is there, but she can't access it. And for women, it's a little different because women always say, I love him.

I love him. I say, yeah, but you don't trust him. You don't appreciate him. You don't accept him. What kind of love is that? Could you give me some examples of how to appreciate, how does a man want to be appreciated? Is it more words? What is it? It's great. The key factor is attitude. If you're happy, he's appreciated.

You don't have to say thank you. Is this why men always ask women to smile? There's this big joke. There's a big joke that goes around and women are, it seemed to be so annoyed by it. I'm not annoyed by it, [00:28:00] but I do notice that men ask. My daughter, I have a chapter in one of my books, Lauren does my whole website.

She's got great blogs. Have you read that? Have you seen them? Have you seen my website? Yes, I have. I've been on it. There's so many. I'm in your membership too. Yeah. Oh, thank you. She's so she does all this and she loves my work. Everything she puts out, we spend a year editing it, working together.

She has her own contributions. It's brilliant. But there's one chapter of my book, which I love. It's called a man with a plan, a woman with a smile. That's the essence of romance. He plans, she enjoys. And she says, you can't say that, dad, because women all have this pressure put on them that they're supposed to be sweet and nice and smiling all the time.

But the reason that's there is because whenever a woman smiles, a man's testosterone goes up, and that makes him want to help her more. Say it's all about testosterone is motivation and then along with dopamine. Okay. Why does this happen? You described a two year phenomenon. That's why I wanted to zero in for the first couple, two or three years, [00:29:00] the relationship is still new.

So in the old days, that was called the honeymoon period. You had lots of sex, and then you just. Stop. You just become like family members, good friends roommates, that kind of a thing. Couples didn't have sex. Some would because the man basically is, has his sex needs and the woman obliges. Okay.

Now, let me, I'm gonna stay focused on this. What happens in the newness of relationship is, newness, novelty, stimulates dopamine. Dopamine for a man raises his testosterone higher than normal. Danger produces dopamine and it's a danger of a new relationship. Will I succeed? Will I fail?

What's going to happen? It's new. But anyway, so the idea there is novels, experiences. That's why you want to create romance in your relationship. You go new in different places. Okay, so this is the whole thing and I travel the world. I live in this beautiful place I don't even notice it until I come back house to my home after missing it for a little [00:30:00] while Then I see it again.

Oh, it's new, fresh. So dopamine stimulates testosterone and in women if she's making a lot of oxytocin Dopamine raises her estrogen, so automatically, okay, her estrogen goes up, her stress level goes down, and she feels really feminine, grateful, happy, supported, trusting, accepting. These are the key messages that raise a man's testosterone.

He did something that she appreciates. Now, let's say she just pretends to appreciate him. His testosterone goes down. He's sitting on the couch and you think, Oh, men need to be appreciated. Oh, honey, I'm so glad that you're working hard and you're doing this and now you're resting, but really you don't appreciate that.

It doesn't work. It literally, it's a smell that you put out. Love is communicated through a smell that we generate. We have a little flaps up here and in the nose for a man. He detects women's estrogen levels. Women detect men's testosterone levels. When a man's testosterone levels go up in your [00:31:00] presence, which means he's desiring you, interested in helping you, wants to support you.

The motivation is there. Your estrogen automatically goes up. When a woman has estrogen go up, it will send a message to his, him, over to his side, which says, Oh, she needs me. She appreciates me. She's receiving my love and support. I'm helping lower her stress. The body already knows this, so it picks, it immediately stimulates attraction.

But in the beginning, Doesn't matter what he does so much. It seems like he's doing more, and he is doing more, but it doesn't matter so much. The dopamine's being produced. That raises his testosterone. That raises her estrogen. And that's called polarity. Okay, he's more masculine, she's more feminine, measured in terms of the hormones, literally, when a woman's feeling romantic, her estrogen levels almost double.

And for a man, they almost double as well, his testosterone levels. So here you have this increased polarity, like two poles of a magnet. When they get close, the attraction increases more and then you [00:32:00] start to get in the bedroom and it clicks on and the spark happens. Okay, now there's so much sparking happening in the beginning, you don't have to get close in the bedroom.

Now at 73 years old, I've got so many other things that make me happy, but when I get in bed with my wife, it just happens. Okay, oh, ready to go, it's it's because I get close to her and we have the polarity, the differences. She's very feminine, I'm very masculine, I make sure that happens.

How do I make sure that happens? Is by making sure I stay masculine, I would never do porn. Porn just weakens a man's masculinity, lowers his testosterone. It reminds me of what you, how do you describe it? Reminds me of sugar and what sugar does to our brain. So it gives you a big hit and then it ruins you because you just want more and need more.

Yeah, you need more of that as opposed to needing more vegetables and vegetables don't taste as good if you just had a sugar rush, it just overstimulates us. It's like looking into the sun, your pupils will constrict and you have to go back into a dark room and for them to open up, but it takes [00:33:00] time. And that's called dopamine receptor sites have to open back up.

But for a guy, it goes so high, it's like cocaine, it will go down. And we've measured, science has measured what happens after cocaine for a man. And it's his receptor sites will just 30 percent of his ability to be happy will disappear. Oh, wow. It can grow back if he goes, if he can go into withdrawal, but withdrawal means To the extent that he felt happy on the drug, he'll feel unhappy going through a withdrawal.

Oh, wow. So this is Drugs are not good. And porn is not as bad as cocaine, but it's really bad. And it also teaches men how women should respond in sex. It makes sex about performance. And almost every book on sex that I read, my book is beyond Have you read Mars, Venus, and the Bedroom? Yes. Yeah, it's beautiful.

It's been a while. It's been a while. It's a sweet, loving book. It's all about sex is love. And what for most books are about, of course, there's how to perform as well, [00:34:00] but it's using sex as a way for a man to feel more. How does a man feel more? What turns out that when men get turned on to a woman, their mirror cells become bigger than at any other time.

That means I can feel what's inside of you. I can feel what's going on inside of you. So I'm providing pleasure for you, not you providing pleasure for yourself. If I'm providing pleasure for you, then my mirror cells see me making you happy. And my testosterone goes up. So I think men need to do themselves a favor, both young and old and get around more women and start asking women out on dates on the apps.

Because I'm telling you, I'm on a couple of apps, Bumble and Hinge, and I just watch them come in. We start a conversation. They never asked me out. It's very rare that they asked me out. Yeah. That's how you sort out the psychopaths. Talk a lot. That's another thing. 10 percent of men only want to have sex with you.

And you're wanting, and if you're wanting to have a relationship. And I [00:35:00] recommend women not to have a lot of sex with a lot of men. There's research showing that your ability to bond with a man becomes less and less the more men that you have. And I see these women in their 40s who just can't bond with a man.

Now, I, that's the research. Now, what I would say. is those women who had lots of sex were way on their male side because when you're on your male side you feel like a man so you want to go out and have a lot of sex okay you don't care about the love so much what happens is because you're way on your male side you don't know how to nurture your female side and it's your female side that goes really high as allows your oxytocin to go really high and that allows you to bond but It's challenging to raise that estrogen when you're more on your male side.

There are two forces. They're opposite forces. There's the independent side of you. There's the the dependent side of you. And to be dependent on someone doesn't mean you depend on them for everything. I depend on food, but I have a meal and I'm done with it. That's the right way. I depend on a man for certain things, but not everything.

But the key is [00:36:00] women get into a overwhelm of doing and doing. That's that codependent side of women. And so you describe what you could call a man who was not clinically, but narcissistic. What women would call narcissistic, which is a man who doesn't give much. He starts out giving more.

You start out receiving more. Then the dopamine levels drop. He doesn't get free testosterone. So when he doesn't get free testosterone, he doesn't have that automatic motivation that dopamine gives him. So he will stop. Men are different from women in that after a few years, they no longer feel motivated.

Like women are more motivated. Women are not motivated to ask for help. They start trying to give help. They start thinking about him. How can I get more from him? I'll give more. And whenever this is the law of the universe, whenever you give to a man more than he gives to you, you will get less just to know that you got to regulate.

And what you primarily need to give to a [00:37:00] man is the opportunity to give to you so that you will feel he has supported you in some way. And so when men have this drop of dopamine, and that's because serotonin goes up, you could feel more comfortable, you could be easy, but he's just sitting on the couch ignoring you, he doesn't do anything, he loses motivation.

And this is a genetic difference. Now we haven't really scientifically seen the gene, but every man relates to this when I talk about it. Men have this gene, and we call it the efficiency gene. It means never do anything you don't have to do. See, men are like emergency workers. They sit around doing nothing until the emergency.

Policemen, they sit around in their cars doing that and then they get all excited with the emergency. If women are not designed that way because God gave them a brain with nine times more connective tissue to think about everything that can go wrong. So they gave her 25 extra fat cells to give her [00:38:00] a fuel to last 24 hours if she's not stressed.

If women are stressed, they can't access that fat fuel. Men don't have that fuel. We cannot last as long as women. We wear out very quickly. You have muscle power, which is speed, faster reaction time and strength, but then we need recovery time. That's time away from estrogen production. What's funny is anyway, back to these men.

Back in the, it was my early 30s, long before the internet, and I was developing these ideas, I have to like, study men and women, and, you study manly men in the gym, muscles. I was a counselor, a lot of those guys were impotent. And if you look at the, if you look at the magazines they were reading, they all had libido pills.

Do I need libido pills? I can't even take a libido pill. They didn't even a supplement. I have supplements for men. If I took those, I'll be thinking about a sex. My testosterone is so healthy. But why do they not have high testosterone? Cause they overwork. They build those muscles that uses up their testosterone.

So [00:39:00] that they over train literally. It's amazing. They just over train. So back to the issue. He stops. He stops having the natural motivation. So at that time, she has to have the reality hit her in the face. Men don't do anything unless they have to do it. And what it means that he has to do it is you have to ask him to do stuff.

You didn't have to ask him to do stuff before, but you have to ask. And women don't know really. How to ask in a way that a man will respond. The only way they do it is they feel frustrated because they're not getting what they want and they're giving more. So already you have resentment, anything you say to a man with resentment, we'll just shut him down, lose his motivation even more.

So resentment doesn't work. Second, if you, and then that creates complaining. Complaining is emotional, negative, emotional, packed. requests. Take the negative emotions out of it and just ask for what you want. But you have to have a way [00:40:00] to get rid of your negative emotions, your stress. How do you get rid of stress?

The most powerful way, if you're in a relationship with a man, is to talk to him about your feelings about other things besides him. Now I have a friend. She writes books, best selling book, author like I, she writes books on love and relationships, and I explain to her all her problems in a relationship, is that you talk about your relationship all the time to your partner, your husband.

He don't want to hear that. Men do not want to hear, let's talk about the relationship. Never. Where are we going? What's going on? Why are you ignoring me? What's happening? Do you love me? Do you not love me? Any of this kind of conversation about relationship or I don't feel like you're coming to the table or you used to do this and now you don't do anything about him that doesn't say he's wonderful.

He's not going to hear you. He can't hear you. He can't respond with love. So what do you do? You use him. The most powerful thing for a woman is to have a man who loves you, hear what you're feeling. If you're vulnerable. Remember I [00:41:00] talked about women are like telling the story, but if you learn how to communicate frustration, disappointment, Worries, concerns, embarrassment, fears.

All these got regrets, feeling sorry. If you can share those emotions, men go right in there. It humbles you, it makes you somebody he can love and help, but there's so many obstacles from that happening. First, you can't talk about him with those negative emotions. Otherwise, he'll shut down. It's biological.

If he feels blamed in the slightest for your problems, his mirror cells shut down. He can't relate to your feelings at all. He'll just put a wall up. It's not him personally, has nothing to do with he loves you. It's his biology. You can't expect this from a man, but you can expect. It's what I do for women every day, which is I listen to their feelings a hundred percent.

They pay me a lot of money, and I'm just a good questioner and get her the, I always get them to cry. They love it. Why? Because they, their estrogen shoots up. [00:42:00] Why? Because I can listen a hundred percent. Why? Because they're not complaining about me. And I only have to do it once a week and I get paid. This is what you want a man to listen to you.

If you want a man to show up again, you have to show up as a vulnerable woman. And a vulnerable woman means I don't have it all together. I have insecurities. I have doubts. I have frustrations. I'm pissed off at my boss. I'm angry about this. I feel like a lousy mother. What is my emotions? Okay. If you can bring emotion into it, then he will connect.

This is true. This is proven that when women share emotions, men brain lights up, as long as he's not being blamed and his brain is rewired. He loves you more. He bonds with you more. Think about every romantic novel, woman in distress, man is there to protect her, to save her. The pirate who's tough and protects her the movie star who has glamor, but he loves her, the billionaire who has money to support her.

All of these things is about women feeling I can get what I need [00:43:00] from a man. And it doesn't have to be all those dramatic, crazy things. It's just simply. Communication, the most powerful skill to lower a woman's stress, other than sharing with other girlfriends, which doesn't do the big estrogen.

It will produce estrogen. But what men can do is take you to a higher level, which is not necessary for all women, but particularly for women that go to their male side, strong, independent women. There's so much developed to their testosterone. They need higher levels of estrogen in order to feel wholeness and completeness, which is why strong, independent women often want romance.

Some women, they're happy with their lives. That's okay. But we were in a new situation here. Women are liberated. And in that liberation, they're free to develop their male side, which feels great until it doesn't. And why doesn't it? Because in doing the male side, they're not getting the support on their female side.

So why do you think the men on the dating apps? Don't ask, because I'm not the only one saying this why don't they ask women out? Do you feel like they're [00:44:00] getting a dopamine hit by just getting some attention from a woman and then they go off to the next and they have 10 to 12 that they're communicating with?

Two things. One is that it's new and different. So the ability to bond with a woman also becomes diminished. Just like for a woman. Yes. It's just, but what happens for him is like next, next, everyone is a hit of dopamine, a hit of dopamine, a hit of dopamine. Yes. And also he's numb.

He needs something really new and different. If they're all pretty much the same, it's going to get bored fast because he's running on high dopamine stimulation, which desensitizes dopamine receptor sites. So it's bored and bored. If he only had three women in his village, all three of them would be turn him on.

Okay. So it has to pick something that she says will trigger him and he'll get an infection. That's why he calls you up. Okay. That's why he returns. He has to have a sexual response. So what could a woman do to encourage a guy to actually be a man? That's what I call it. Maybe I'm wrong for saying that.

Oh, I'm totally into it. I'm completely, you know what I do if I'm [00:45:00] upset, cause see talking about feelings is the worst thing to lower a man's testosterone. The worst thing is talking about feelings if they're negative, but like his feelings, you're you mean for him to talk about his feelings only produces estrogen and lowers his testosterone.

Now, if I have positive feelings, that means my testosterone is up. I have all the love in the world every day. I tell my wife how beautiful she is, how much I love her, how lucky I am to be with her, how soft her skin is, all these things. That is, that's me talking, being heartfelt. If I have negative emotion, I'm angry, I'm annoyed, I'm irritated with her or anybody in my work, I don't talk and she understands it doesn't have anything to do with her.

It's the way men process things quietly, not out loud. Do it out loud with a woman. Maybe a woman therapist would be fine, or, not your wife, because as soon as you go into your feeling side like that, your estrogen goes up, all polarity goes away in your relationship. How many women [00:46:00] do I know who wanted their husbands to talk about their feelings, and then when they do, She feels like so turned off, like it's his mother, he's a loser or, you have to depend on a man.

You have to feel I can depend on him for groundedness and strength. And I know it sounds pretty tough, but this is what men have to do is we have to toughen up. It's just, this is a masculine quality. I'm tough. What is the word? Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words don't harm me. I suck it up.

And ironically, the phrase suck it up means contract your abs. And when you contract your abs, what do you do? You create a spurt of testosterone, so you don't have to whine and complain. It's very biological. So I tell my wife, if ever she sees me in a grumpy mood, irritable mood, and it's affecting her in some negative way, and even when it's not, just walk up to me and say, John, you're overreacting.

Suck it up. Or you're making a big deal out of it. It's not a big deal. Suck it up. Now, I would never say that to my wife. That's not her process. Her [00:47:00] process is to feel safe, to express things, to overreact out loud, and she'll realize on her own that she was overreacting and letting it go. In my world, all negativity is an overreaction.

A healthy reaction is a balance of testosterone and estrogen for both men and women, the right balance for you. And then you have no negative emotions. All negative emotions are stress response. A stress response is you are out of balance. You're knocked out of shape. Yes, a lion comes. I'm not my normal self.

I'm going to have, I'm going to immediately react from my primitive brain. Good. That's good to do. It's still not heartfelt. We're adults. We're in present time when you're in present time and your heart is open, there's never negative emotions. And so if you're having negative emotions, you have to learn how to process it.

People are not taught how to process and you can use a man on dates. And you basically just take, don't ever do more than 10 minutes of a flow of negativity. Just, he'll say, how's your day? What's going on? I was like normally I have great days, but today was so [00:48:00] frustrating. You got his attention.

Or you say today I was so embarrassed. Oh, really humble woman. This is someone I really would like, what you just said. So if I, when I go on a date and I'm talking about interviewing you. I feel like I need to keep a lot of that a secret because it's intimidating to them. Now, is that just, I don't get the re a good reaction from them.

I feel like I'm. Whenever you build up another man, of course, you're not going to get a good reaction. No, okay. Insecure men. Okay. Not all men are that insecure, but, okay. Okay. If my wife starts praising. I understand that, actually. Yeah, if my wife starts praising some teacher, there's a point, there's a place where I'll get to I already teach that.

Even I haven't. Okay. It's not my favorite thing, but I've learned just to, create a space for it to happen, I was married to Bonnie for 34 years before she died. I'm remarried now. But at one point, Bonnie said to me, I don't want to go to that class with you. We got to take seminars or [00:49:00] whatever, or go to a lecture.

And she says, I don't want to go. I said, why? She says, because all you do when you come home is critique the speaker. So I said, I promise from now on, I won't critique the speaker. And now I don't, I just now, because I wasn't speaking it out loud I've learned to contain it. And then I cannot have the estrogen go up because when men complain or sound critical or puff themselves up, any word, one word you say, and your estrogen levels will soar if you're a man and put you in a negative space.

Women need that estrogen. So back to the question is, yes, I, women should talk more on a date. That means the guy gets to know you and it's a test because you're authentic. And if you're authentic, if he stays turned on to you, he's the right guy. If he can't be turned on too, then he's the wrong guy. Literally that's how we know one aspect of how we know each other.

is getting to know you and how, and you get to know him by how he responds to you. Is he respectful? Is he motivated? Is he [00:50:00] happy to be with you? And of course that all then lines up with, you got a bunch of horny guys out there that just want to have sex and women think, Oh, I could capture this guy to have sex.

No, you're guaranteed to lose him if you just suddenly have sex with a guy. He doesn't bond in sex unless your heart is fully touched, but you don't know him. He doesn't know you. And so women are just throwing away potential relationships by having sex right away. So many men are just damaging themselves and lowering their own testosterone.

Yeah. And in personal sex, it just disconnects you from your heart completely. But having said that, now you asked me about married men, single men, who has the highest testosterone. On average, you have to remember, most men do not know what I do, okay? They don't follow my teaching. They don't understand how to be there for a woman because their wives have not taught them how he should be here for her.

This is not a man's job. A man's job is to make money. A woman's job is to communicate to him. She's the big [00:51:00] communicator. She reads all the books. It's her job to communicate to him in such a way that he listens and is motivated to do things for her. He's not going to be able to do that on his own. I won't do it.

I can't do it on my own. I would just sit down and relax in my cave and be happy. My wife says, honey, when you have a few minutes, I need your help. Okay. I'm ready to go. You have to push the button. It's like I have to push the buttons for you in order to turn you on in the bedroom. You can't just do it.

You got to push the buttons. If you want a man to come out of the cave, you got to know how to push the buttons. And the push buttons is always to ask for help. And even a bigger button, a more powerful button, and this is all my ideas are the reverse of what everybody thinks. If you if what people think worked, everything will be working.

So at least try the opposite for a little while or a different spin on it. Which are all my ideas. Here's another one. Once you're in a relationship with a guy, you let him know, I get caught up in my head as a woman. I ruminate on things. And I need help to get out of [00:52:00] that space. And one of the ways to get help to get out of that space is a little game I can play.

And it's called genie in a bottle. You're going to be the genie. I'm going to rub the bottle already. He's thinking sex, but it's not sex, but he's the genie in the bottle. And I'm going to rub the bottle. And rubbing the bottle means is I'm going to ask you to do something for me. Cause you're the genie.

You can do all. And I get three wishes. I only need 10 minutes. And in the beginning, you start with five minutes. You say during the next, I'm going to ask you to do something that I could do for myself, but I'm not going to do it. Cause I'm gonna ask you to do it. It only takes five minutes or less. And that will break my, my, my pattern.

My, I have a pattern of just have to do. I just need to be able to have your help to remind me. I don't have to do everything. And so I'm going to ask you my genie to rub my feet or get oil and massage my feet. I'm going to ask you to make me a cup of tea. I'm going to ask you to finish off the [00:53:00] dishes, clean out the sink.

I'm going to ask you to change a light bulb. I'm going to ask you to move the boxes from below the stairwell. I'm going to ask you to straighten up the bedroom. Put on some music before we go to bed. Light a candle. That was a really good one for him. But she's going to ask. So she gets to practice asking.

And his job is, it's only five minutes. I've never met a man who's not willing to do this. I've talked to thousands of people. I just say to a man, it's only five minutes. Would you do, if she asked you once a day to do something for her, that would take five minutes. And this is something she could do for herself.

It's different. It's something she can do for herself. Every man, some men are like really awful guys. They'll think they're way on their female side. That's all it is. This process will actually put a man on his female side in five minutes. He's willing to do something for you that he wouldn't normally want to do already.

That's new and different. But by doing it, he suddenly has a surge of testosterone. Why? Because it had a purpose. The [00:54:00] purpose was to make his partner happy. And what man can believe that in five minutes I can make her happy. But you do this every day for a couple of weeks. You've got a steady flow of estrogen in your body.

That's why women like to get massaged. That's why they like to go to doctors, they get to get experts on things because they're asking for help. They're getting help. You can do it for an hour, five minutes, just to know you're walking around knowing that at any moment I can ask for something and get it.

'cause what happens is women live in this sort of place of, is this the right time? Can I do this? Is he open to doing it? He's not open to doing it. And that's this guy after two years that you mentioned. Who no longer wants to help. It's not like it's not that he doesn't want to help, but he doesn't want to help.

It's a flip thing. He's willing to help. It's like the potential to help is right there, but you got to push the button. Same thing when it comes to sex. When I'm teaching men about women, you say to your wife, do you want to have sex? If she's honest, she'll say no because she's in her head.

She's busy doing stuff. She's doing this. But if you say to her, is there a part [00:55:00] of you that wants to have sex? Sure. There's always a part of me. Let's see, let's cuddle first and see what happens. Then what happens is by cuddling and some kissing and some affection that will raise her estrogen because she hungry for it.

She needs touch. She needs to. have attention on her body, on her, some compliments. Now they're together. They're getting closer. Her estrogen is starting to rise as her estrogen starts to rise. When it gets to a certain level, it has to be a certain level. Her testosterone will automatically come up. It naturally comes up and then she wants to be penetrated.

That's the honest thing, which is yes, I want sex. Okay. That's the testosterone desire, but there's two ways to get there. You can be like a man making testosterone all the time. And if you're not burnout, you'll want sex. But that's not your female side wanting sex. You're on your female side, estrogen going higher and then, and man's providing that for you, then your body, and this is proven, when estrogen goes to a certain height, luteinizing hormone gets produced, sends a [00:56:00] message to your adrenal gland to produce testosterone and make you want to have sex.

So you'll make a baby. It's all about, the biological rhythms and so forth. And I love it. What about testosterone replacement? Can I ask? What do you, so is that like free testosterone to them and it's actually hurting them? It's controversial. One of my friends I was just talking to, I have a lot of doctor friends, I'm in the business, and I just don't do hormones, and he's telling me, oh, I have men coming in here, and I give them twice a month, I give him a shot of testosterone, and it saves marriages.

But he doesn't have real records on this. It will give you a short period of time for sure of erections. There's no doubt about it. It will shrink your balls. So if you don't get those shots, you'll never have testosterone again. And we don't really have long term studies on. on men who take testosterone.

The key thing is why take testosterone and make it, yeah, men can. That's what, so estrogen, I know you can make estrogen as a woman, but not the [00:57:00] levels. Cause the ovaries stop. No, it's a different kind. Estrone is what you make. I think that's anyway, it, that balances with your testosterone produces wetness, arousal, orgasm, multi orgasm.

It's all there. So it's just a lot of women don't experience that because they've been living in a stressed world where their adrenal glands were exhausted. And, there's supplements that will help for that one. One is my favorite one's called harmonia is a great supplement. But when it comes to adrenal burnout, that one is just helps women get rid of hot flashes very quickly.

It's three Korean herbs that have been tested and so forth. And at any age, it helps women's hormones balancing. And they've done the research for women. I take it. I can't take anything now. I would just be too horny, but the yeah, I'm trying to finish a book. I can't be having sex all the time.

That's a great thing about somewhat of retirement. When your kids grow up, it's the best time of your life. You can have [00:58:00] all this sex, but usually women have gone through menopause. Their adrenal glands are burned out. Their men's testosterone levels are so low. The average man today compared to 50.

50 years ago or 75 years ago at his prime is half the testosterone levels that men used to have half and right now a 20 year old as a prime level, his testosterone level is 20 percent lower than just 20 years ago. So it's really sinking down and when you look at each every age category, it goes down about 1 or 2 percent on average for every year.

But it is true that the, in each age category, the man with the highest testosterone will be the single guy, except that it's very low, okay? But the single guy will have the highest. The guy who's dating will have the next highest. The guy who's married will be the next drop down. The guy has children will have the next drop down and the grandfather will [00:59:00] have the next drop down with grandchildren.

Why is that? Because all of those relationships raise estrogen and if he doesn't have strong testosterone Then basically the high estrogen will push testosterone down Think about just psychologically. Estrogen happens when somebody does something for me. Now I don't have to work. You're going to do it for me.

You do something for me, take care of me. My estrogen goes higher and higher. Do I have to do anything for myself? No, having to do something for yourself is what bumps up testosterone and I'm going to get mine tested because recently I just my money manager committed suicide and lost all my whole savings, which was many millions.

And I make a good, wow. It was devastating. And I know how to process emotions. So it's not a big deal for me. And so what I did, I haven't written a book for eight years because. Have so much money, money is a motivator work, you know I just do the fun work like interviews promote [01:00:00] my books teach seminars.

That's all work But hard writing books is hard work. My goal this year is write ten books I want to make what I want to make that money back in a year and I can do it. And so I just got inspired when I at the beginning of this year, I said, okay, no more waiting around. Cause I have 10 books in me, but I was too lazy to put them out.

Men become lazy when you do things for them. When they have plenty of money, look at all the rich guys. They're always fooling around with other women. They're never satisfied with one woman. They don't have the strength of commitment to their partner. Their testosterone levels go low. They have to have a new and different woman in order to raise their testosterone levels up.

To be monogamous, takes testosterone. And when you're monogamous, you bond with your partner, you make another hormone called prolactin. Prolactin inhibits a man's interest in other women, but if they have polarity in the relationship, then he'll always be interested in her. It's the most powerful bonding.

If a man has prolactin and they don't have polarity, then he have no sex drive and that's why his [01:01:00] testosterone levels goes down so much. The more love you have as a man, it makes this female hormone called prolactin. Prolactin inhibits his sex drive. So my sex drive is gone completely, except when I'm in bed with my wife.

Because I'm more masculine, she's more feminine, we love each other. Kabang! That's the electricity. It's polarity. But for polarity to happen. So you've got all these single women, trying to find men. They do find some men, and they just don't feel the spark. I don't feel the spark. You're not making enough estrogen to feel the spark.

That's it. You just can't, you can't get to that place where you're just all turned on to this guy. There's no magic because you're not able to get your estrogen up to that biological level where you then produce testosterone as a result of estrogen. And then you want him to have, then you want him to have sex with you and there's a spark and you want a lasting relationship.

You want to bond with him. That only can happen if you have estrogen goes up. To high enough level and it can it's not like just because you're [01:02:00] going to minimize. It's a different kind of estrogen You just have to balance it with your testosterone and the way you do that is using men to raise your estrogen Using men to listen to your emotions learn what your emotions are, you know I can't teach a master class in emotional intelligence.

I do three day workshops. I just finished one Every woman is crying. They're opening their hearts. All they're just feeling happier than ever. Of course, I got to be in that process with those women helping it, other men. I sat down at my computer, wrote 14 hours and it was effortless. My testosterone was so high.

This is the potential that women have, but our culture keeps them from going deep into their emotions. And part of it is, if a man doesn't talk, you can't go deep in your emotions if you think, oh. Oh, he can't go with me because he's not sharing because the way women do it is women open up to each other.

I'll show you mine. You show me yours. If you show me yours, I'll show you mine. You have to go back and [01:03:00] forth, and you're not allowed to say to the woman, another woman, Hey, I'm going to share my feelings and I only want you to listen. I don't want you to say anything. I'd rather you just hear me and I'll feel better.

And I give me a hug when I'm done. This is completely unheard of. Women would never conceive of this, but that's what therapy is. That's what I do as a therapist, mainly. Just ask questions and listen to women. And it only takes 10 minutes. Every day, every other day, or every date, make sure 10 minutes of that date is you revealing things you did that are embarrassing.

And say, oh, I was so embarrassed when this happened. I was so concerned about my kids. They did this. I can come up with all kinds of those. Yeah that's, you're very feminine. Most women can't. What can I say? But no, so many women can't. So many women can't, but I can actually challenge you and see if you actually can articulate, I am feeling this, I feel this.

You'll tend to tell the story and feel those emotions. Men can't connect with emotions unless you actually say the words. When you say the words, I am feeling [01:04:00] this emotion because, or I'm feeling embarrassed that, or when this happened, I felt so embarrassed. When you share emotion, And actually say the word, what you're doing at that point is rather than feeling the emotion, your prefrontal cortex is identifying with language what that emotion is.

That's called emotional intelligence. When your prefrontal cortex goes back into the limbic system and feels the negative emotion, then when a man is listening to you, as long as he doesn't feel blamed, then he will connect with the emotions because he connects with you first through his prefrontal cortex.

And then it gets to your emotion because you're. You're not just being emotional, you're able to articulate your emotions. So you're coming from here and here, he'll then connect here and then get to your emotion. It's amazing. And I learned this, nobody taught me this, nobody teaches this in books, really, this is all out of the world stuff.

But here I am for nine years, listening to women, just asking them questions and my never knowing what my feelings are because I was a [01:05:00] monk for nine years. I was in the heavens. I'm enlightened guy and I'm. Feeling inside of them, because they're not blaming me, it turns on the receptor sites and I can actually feel what they're feeling even better than them, helping them to articulate it.

And that's why I was so popular, because I know what women are feeling. I can hear it, I can go in there. Most men can't, because most women don't know how to identify the emotion. And I can't do it unless I help them identify the emotion. And that's what a good therapist can train a woman to do. And all of my books.

In the back, I teach them how to communicate their emotions, so a man will listen. The basic technique is if you're going to have a 10 minute conversation, try to cover something that's frustrating. I was so frustrated when, oh, I was so disappointed or even made me sad because, and and, I'm really concerned, I'm worried.

Because this, or I'm worried that, or I feel worried when I heard from the doctor this, and then I feel so embarrassed I made a fool of myself. I'm telling you, when people say they're embarrassed and actually feel [01:06:00] embarrassment, what happens to your face? It turns red. Blood flow goes into your face.

Same thing that happens when you have an orgasm. That's why women put a little pink here, because it makes the men think, oh, you had an orgasm. That's all. It's all the subtle signals. High heel shoes. They're not comfortable at all. And they throw your posture out, but you get attention. Every woman knows you get attention because what it does when you flex your foot up like that, what it does, it tightens your thigh, which mimics the subconscious mind of a woman's.

It's all about giving men the message that you're sexually fertile, your estrogen levels are high, even though they may not be. But when women put on a mask, they feel safer. And so their estrogen levels have a chance [01:07:00] to go higher. Wow. Whereas men don't put on masks. We don't need estrogen. We need testosterone.

See me as I am. I'm good enough because what I can do not necessarily how I look or what I feel. Wow, that was so much. Okay, so let's go ahead and wrap this up. I know you've got things to do. It's getting late in your day. Oh, we're already out 20 minutes overtime. Yeah, we are. It was fun. There's so much.

I hope I can have you back someday. But I'm going to be putting in the show notes, your membership and your books and all the information that is in your press kit. So let me take a minute to mention everything I talked about times a hundred is in this book, beyond Mars and Venus. If you haven't read men from Mars, it's like a primer, but this is all about the hormones and the new challenges that couples face as women become more masculine.

How to use a man to come back to their female side. I also recommend various supplements. If you're interested in the supplements that I recommend, I have a wellness coach that I've worked [01:08:00] with for 25 years. She provides free wellness coaching. Okay. You just had, I don't give out, I'm not giving out her number, but if you go to marsvenus.

com at the bottom, you just say, contact us and say, I'd like you to contact me and put your phone number. Her name is Ellen. She's very knowledgeable. I've worked with her for 25 years. I just don't do that anymore, but it's a powerful program. And even if you just get to practice the product, it's double blind studies showing how dramatically helps women's hormone balance without giving them hormones.

And that's called, um, harmonia. Harmonia is fantastic. That's one. Two is another thing. Look, if you don't feel beautiful, it's really hard to attract a man. You can say I'm overweight and fat and I'm still love myself and I'm beautiful, but you don't feel beautiful. If you don't feel beautiful, your sex appeal dramatically drops.

Men get turned on by how you feel you are, men, particularly when they're [01:09:00] turned on, they can't judge your body at all. And that's true. But when they're, when you don't have a man in the room and you're walking through the streets and you're comparing yourself with other women and you're doing social media, which is constantly comparing yourself unrealistically to everybody, you're always going to have this feeling like, Oh, I'm not the one.

And all these certain body types on all the magazines and all the men look because a woman's showing breasts or showing more that just says she's interested in sex. And men have this part of the brain when they're younger that just says, oh, I want her. Because they have no discrimination at all.

So anyway, the point is Ellen also helps women lose weight. It's very powerful. And I'm not saying you have to have a perfect body. What I have, what I'm suggesting is that when you can lose five to ten pounds by eating more food, that's our program, eat more food for a month you will lose five to ten pounds.

And that's all it takes for you to feel I'm not powerless to change my body. Okay. The key to it is when you feel you're powerless to change your [01:10:00] body, that creates a certain low level of estrogen, meaning that I'm not as worthy of love. But once you feel not powerless, but just a few pounds, even by eating more healthy with getting support to do that.

You just feel great. You feel more beautiful. It's amazing to me how it just takes. For me, if I just, I don't have much to lose, but my belly can get bigger. For me as a man, my wife doesn't care about my belly. That's the nice thing about women. They don't care so much about how a man looks as long as he's somewhat healthy.

But for me, I know that when a man has a fat belly, it's all that belly's doing is generating estrogen and suppressing his testosterone. I want my testosterone. So I, once I get perfect and you can see my abs, then I'll go out and eat ice cream , because I can't, and then I have to, then that will, it just sticks.

So then I have to go off , no more ice cream for a while. And, but it's a cycle. But the key is eating lots and lots of protein, and we'll help you understand. Yes. Because that's not what the topic is, but that's, so people go [01:11:00] to contact@marsvenus.com, go to bottom of the page, contact, a page will come up and you say, oh, I like the wellness program.

And we have consulted counselors for you to help you do that and also put the link in the show notes. Great. That's so nice. Thank you so much. It's a pleasure talking to you, Crystal. Have a lovely day. Have a great night. Bye bye.