Rich, Fit and Happy Show
Crystal O'Connor is the creator of 'Moxie Entrepreneur' and programs like High Ticket Mastery, Rich Fit and Happy and Ageless Ambition. Author of Unleash Your Moxie endorsed by Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank. Crystal teaches women and small business owners all over the world how to create 6 & 7 figure incomes by applying online strategies to grow your database and business' presence.
Rich, Fit and Happy Show
73 | The Power of Pu$$y: Sexual Confidence, Wealth Creation and Hormones
Susan Bratton, author of Sexual Soulmates, shares powerful insights about the connection between sexual confidence and wealth creation, challenging us to move beyond outdated paradigms of masculine and feminine energy.
• Oxytocin produced through sexual pleasure requires good gut bacteria, specifically lactobacillus reuteri, which helps us feel deeper connection and appreciation for life
• "Pussy power" involves leveraging sexual confidence in business without feeling constrained by traditional masculine-feminine dynamics
• Sexual sovereignty means owning your sexuality without shame, making decisions about what you want without external expectations
• Many women stop wanting sex because their partners don't understand how to create pleasure for female bodies - it's about education, not necessarily hormones
• The balance between safety/trust and novelty/variety is crucial for maintaining desire in long-term relationships
• Both money and sex suffer from cultural taboos and lack of education, making communication essential for success in both areas
• Being authentically yourself rather than forcing masculine or feminine roles allows for genuine connection and success
• People can access Susan's resources at BetterLover.com, including free content and her Sex Life Bucket List at SexLifeBucketList.com
For more sexual education resources that focus on heart-connected pleasure rather than pornography, check out Susan's YouTube channel and free content at BetterLover.com.
Sign up with Ageless Ambition by visiting https://www.AgelessAmbition.com
You can also schedule a call with me or one of my team members at https://www.calendly.com/wealthy-wellness
Health and Wellness practitioners: you can learn more at http://www.WealthyWellnessAcademy.com
Hello, welcome to Rich, fit and Happy. I am so excited to have someone that I met recently at the A4M conference in Las Vegas. At the A4M Longevity Conference, I met one of my favorite authors. She wrote Sexual Soulmates. Her name is Susan Bratton and I am just I'm so excited about this conversation. I've been thinking about it for the last several days and here she is. Hello, susan.
Speaker 2:Hi Crystal. Yeah, it was so funny. I walked by you and I was, I was magnetized by you and I just walked up to you and started talking to you and we just hit it off like fast friends and I I so appreciated that about you. You were, you're a real light and beautiful, totally gorgeous, hot, sexy brainiac. So what's not to love?
Speaker 1:Thank, you and you have really great energy, and you know that was quite the conference, wasn't it?
Speaker 2:Oh God, you know, I ended up buying the conference tapes, if you will, god, that just dated me Right. I do that too. I do that too. That just dated me Right. I do that too. I do that too. I bought the audios and the videos and I had my team transcribe everything and then feed it into AI and I gave them a bunch of prompts and they I got an executive summary action, you know, key takeaways, actionable things. You could do all kinds of stuff from each one of the talks and I've been, one by one, by one and there were 40 of them because I couldn't get to all the sessions that I practically wanted to get to, every session in the agenda and one by one by one, I've been writing them up and releasing them on my sub stack which is called Longevity Wins.
Speaker 2:It's one of my. It's my newest endeavor is that I had always integrated, you know, with Better Lover and that newsletter I had, I'd been writing about passionate lovemaking for two decades and within Better Lover, I was always writing about health and, you know, anti-aging and longevity and mitochondrial function and you know all of these kinds of things, hormone therapy, et cetera and I decided that I wanted to write so much more, but that the people who wanted to get my sexy sex ed content not all of them wanted my longevity content. So I split it out and I launched longevity wins. And I launched it on Substack, which was interesting because I hadn't done that before. I've always run my own email servers because I'm in the sexuality niche and so I can't just use software as service, I can't just write my launch it on an existing SaaS. And it's been great. It's been growing like crazy.
Speaker 2:And I love the name of your show because you can't really be happy, you can't live the level of happiness without being fit. You don't have the internal resources or energy to be as happy as someone who does movement, flexibility, balance, strength. As a matter of fact, you were joking with me about your age and I'm not going to say your age, but you were joking before we started recording about your age and how. You don't necessarily like to even think about yourself that way, and I'm the opposite. My goal for my 64th birthday is to deadlift my body weight, and so I have about four months. I just deadlifted 115 pounds, but I weigh 160 pounds. I'm almost six feet tall, I'm big, yes, and I'm muscly, like it's, that's literally muscle.
Speaker 2:And I so I told my trainer I was like I could drop 10 pounds if I need to, like I don't really stress over having like a little roll around my belly or whatever. I've got giant boobs. I mean, you know, if I lose some weight they'll get smaller. You know, and I take a lot of estrogen which makes your boobs bigger. So I mean I went from double D's to triple D's to G's, as I was like I want more estrogen, I want more estrogen, I want more estrogen. It's so funny how it makes your boobs bigger but which is good, because they don't sag when you age, when you're doing estrogen replacement, they're not as saggy, even when they're big.
Speaker 2:But I said to my trainer I could drop 10 pounds if we're getting close and I'm not quite, you know, hitting the 160, I could get down to 150. So I could only have to lift 150. He's like you're not going to have any problem lifting 160 pounds, don't worry. And I'm like, okay, I like to have goals like that. So, yeah, you've got to be fit to be to to achieve the level of happiness, because happiness is a mood and the mood moods take energy and their emotional labor positive or negative? And if you are, if you have lower mitochondrial function, if you have less muscle, if you are more, if you have lower mitochondrial function, if you have less muscle, if you are more tired because working out gives you energy it literally gives you energy you actually have enough energy to really be happier.
Speaker 2:And here's a really interesting thing, because I know you kind of like you're interested in hormones. The hormone oxytocin is a very interesting hormone. When you're topping up your estrogen, your testosterone and your testosterone your estrogen, testosterone and testosterone, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone also think about topping up your oxytocin, because here's an interesting thing about oxytocin. Because here's an interesting thing about oxytocin. We know that it like bonds us to our baby when we breastfeed, or we create oxytocin when we have skin-to-skin contact with a lover, those kinds of things.
Speaker 2:But oxytocin requires you to have good gut bacteria, and the gut bacteria that helps produce oxytocin is something called lactobacillus reuteri and L-reuteri is very sensitive to antibiotics and if you live in America today, it's likely that you've had to take antibiotics for one reason or another somewhere along the line and that's likely killed off a lot of that bacteria, if not all of it, and so for many people.
Speaker 2:They're quite low in oxytocin, but you can reestablish your gut microbiome and take that lactobacillus rooterai, you can take it in capsules, or I ferment it, I cultivate it in homemade yogurt and then put that in my morning smoothie with my protein and my collagen and like a million things for my health. And I noticed that when I started reestablishing those colonies, I was generating oxytocin and I was feeling love more deeply. I was feeling awe of beauty and art and music and nature and the things that are, you know, what I would consider to be the jewels and the crown of a great life. I was feeling them. They were impacting my life in such a pleasurable way that I was like, wow, I used to be low on oxytocin and now I'm not, and I can tell that my life is better.
Speaker 1:It is so interesting that you just said that and fascinating, and it's something that we I mean I feel like that when we talk about hormones and what it can do for us, we need to go on a deeper level, because we actually get closer to source. I agree, god, or whatever you call it, and that what you just hit on reminds me of that, because I have felt that too. So let me just ask you a couple of questions here, because I tie in and kind of merge two really hot topics and they're always going to be hot topics and that's sex and money, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:So you talk about Two of my favorites. I think they might be my favorite sex and money, Crystal. So you're asking the right person.
Speaker 1:Of course. So you talk about use the words pussy power, yeah, and sexual sovereignty. Do you want to expand on that? What does that mean and how does that relate to success today?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, I think pussy power is a phrase that what it really means is that you leverage some of the extracurricular benefits of having great sex, and that can be great sex with yourself, through solo pleasuring or through partnered play. So anything that I'm talking about when I say sex, I don't mean intercourse. That's just one tiny fragment of our sexuality. Our sexuality is our dance, our movement, how we feel in our bodies when we're strong and we feel like we look good in our clothing. And our sexuality is our flirting and our connection with other sexy women who are other goddesses, and we're connecting with each other and exalting each other's beauties and brains and capability.
Speaker 1:And you know what came to my mind right, we were talking as patients and being able to listen in conversations. I'm not sure why I just threw that in there, but it's important when you are connecting with people that you are actually engaged in you present and having being able to have an engaging conversation, and I see so many people getting away from that because of online and that connection is lost. So I'm glad that you're mentioning that.
Speaker 2:So one of the one of the phrases we say in California is holding space. Have you heard that term? Yes, I love that term. I think holding space for people is really, really nice, and so I think that's it's just a term that I think is really. It goes even beyond presence. Presence would mean that I'm just here with you and I'm connecting with you, but holding space is like another level of support and it's that I'm holding you in my heart, that I care about you, that I want the best for you, that I'll provide support as needed for you and your success in life, that we're connected together and we're on a journey of, like, collaborative, co-creative art connection. And we felt that the very first time we met. The very first time we met Like I'm on this podcast because we had an attraction to each other and I run a group called the Intimacy Alliance and it's a business mastermind of sexperts like myself, people who are teaching passionate lovemaking.
Speaker 2:They're teaching kink, they're teaching non-monogamous situations, they're teaching all sorts of things that are sexually empowering for these next generations of us. And we hold space and what we do when we get together every week is we focus on helping each other make money, because when you are in my niche, it is very, very difficult to get traffic and you can't make a lot of money. If you don't have a lot of traffic. You can have offers, but if there's no traffic hitting your offers, whatever they are, you don't make money and we are censored in our niche. And so we band together collaboratively and we lift each other up women and 10% men because men tend to not be in our space as much. Because, frankly, men are so predatory in the general market that you almost all we've discussed some men out in the marketplace and one or another of us has been like oh no, he doesn't know how to hold his boundaries around himself. You know like he did some predatory bullshit and we can't have him in our group. Very interesting that even some of the sexperts that are famous out there who are men are like nope, I supported him and he didn't support me back. He was a big fuck you to me and I'm like I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't bring him in. So interesting. But one of the things that I love about our group is that we get to give to each other and that holding space supporting each other in our growth. I love that part of our mastermind.
Speaker 2:But it was interesting recently one of the women in our mastermind. She said I really want to do, I want to have a section of each meeting that we have where we kind of can talk about like emotional issues around our business. And I said, oh, you are more than welcome to take us to offer that to everybody in this group, to splinter off and do a separate group, but this meeting that I'm running is about making money. It's not an emotional processing platform. You can have an emotional processing platform elsewhere, and if everybody wants to follow you over there and do that too, or even if you lose if I lose some people, and that's what they need right now that is totally cool. But I've been in mastermind after mastermind after mastermind where they, if they have too much emotional processing, they fall apart.
Speaker 2:A mastermind is to make money together, and so I thought that was a really interesting thing too. There's like we're talking about holding space, we're talking about collaboration, but we're also talking about sometimes you just need to focus on getting stuff done. I need to be on this. I need to have help with this. I need this copywriting, I need this. You know, I need you to mail for me. I've got too much inventory of this product. Can you guys help me move it? Hey, I've got too much inventory of this and I'm closing it out. Is anybody speaking and wants? You know a hundred bags full of stuff. You know a hundred bags full of stuff.
Speaker 1:You know like it's really a nice experience. So pussy power is masculine and I didn't mean to interrupt you, but it is masculine. So when we, when you're in business and you're making money, you know, in in sexual confidence comes to mind and women not having the sexual confidence, and let's go there. That was all over the place. But what I, what I find myself doing, is, you know, there's my dating world and then there is my business world, and so I'm always trying to balance masculine and feminine.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I feel like I'm confident with business, but I can really come, and I live in Naples. There's a lot of alpha males here, so I come off as more masculine. Uh, huh'm overthinking it maybe.
Speaker 2:No, I just think there's a new way to think about it, and that is that, as we women have become more financially empowered and more sexually sovereign, like we own our sexuality, we decide what we want. No one is the boss of us, we are. It's consensual. There is no coercion, there is no more shaming, there is no more expectations. It's not just intercourse focused you got to eat my pussy too, now that women have around equality, both in the business world and in the bedroom, and we don't want to put up with being forced into any kind of self-expression. That isn't real for us.
Speaker 2:And I've been in business since high school and I'm a rainmaker, I'm a deal doer, I'm a biz devver, I'm a salesperson. I like to make money because, ultimately, the reason that I like to generate revenue is that I can be more generous, I can take care of more people, I can have a greater effect on things, and so I have no, absolutely no issue doing deals, running the business, focusing on the revenue. That's what I do for both of my companies. I am the revenue generator and I love that role because I like to create win-win business opportunities. At the same time, I also don't have any time in my day to work with anyone who isn't a values match with me, who isn't aligned with me in nature of being. You know, caring about all people, lifting people up, believing that everyone is equal and human, and all of those kinds of things. And so I don't work with people who don't are not a values match with me. I own, I put my attention where I have a values match. And then I also don't work with people who I feel I might trigger because of I don't want to dim my light, I don't want to have to dial myself back because someone's going to get triggered.
Speaker 2:And that's particularly difficult for me, crystal, in my niche, because I'm talking about things that are very triggering for people when I talk about sexuality, but I like to do them in a way that makes people comfortable. Like damn, I was going to. I thought I was going to be like super uncomfortable and embarrassed, but she actually made me feel a lot more confident about stuff because she's so comfortable with it all. It made me feel comfortable. You know that that is helpful. But I don't want to have to even think about whether I'm in my masculine or I'm in my feminine. I'm just in my Susan. I'm in my feminine. I'm just in my Susan, I'm in my Susan and that is whatever it's going to be. Sometimes I'm playful, sometimes I wander around in lingerie, sometimes I wander around in power suits, sometimes I'm flirting and sometimes I'm negotiating deals and I am all of those things all the time.
Speaker 2:And it's interesting too, because when I write about the masculine, feminine dynamic in the sexuality area of my work because I crank out a lot of content I got a lot to say, I got a lot of opinions and one of the things that I explain to people is it's really great to be in your feminine and be fully femininely self-expressed and to completely love that. It is also really great to be in your full masculine, running the bedroom game, taking charge with confidence, which comes with experience as you gain confidence. We don't see those models out in the world, but we have them within us and they can be developed. But that's just step one. Step two, step three is becoming switchy, being as comfortable, being in the feminine as the masculine, and then step four to me is the ultimate place we're all going, and that is to be in the flow state where you aren't even paying attention to what is masculine or feminine. Those feel like old models to you and this is how I am in my work, this is how I am everywhere, which is I'm just me everywhere I go, because I don't care if you don't like me. I like me and I am loved by so many who do.
Speaker 2:And I am not everybody's cup of tea and I am cool with that. We're not a values match. You don't like me, I trigger you, cool. You don't like the wrinkly skin on my chest, which is a comment that I've gotten on social media and I'm like well, who are you? What do you look like? Hiding behind whatever? You're hiding behind, commenting about the skit.
Speaker 2:I like the sunshine. I'm a happy girl. I go swimming in the ocean every day, like you can't. That's one of my favorite things to do, mine, too. I love to jump through waves. I love to dive in the waves like a dolphin. I'm half dolphin. I just really don't have any energy to show up to be what you need to be, to be comfortable in your own lack of evolution. I'm just going to be me, take me or leave me.
Speaker 2:And this is the interesting thing, too, about when people talk about boundaries your boundaries where they really are. If you try to like, suppress and your boundaries get breached by people. That's your self-worth showing its sad side, where you didn't feel lovable enough and you felt like you had to do something for someone else rather than to ask for what you needed. And then you got hurt because you had a core wound around being lovable about being who you are and we got to work through that shit. And so I think just owning your boundaries, asking for what you want, giving selflessly lots of love, letting go of the people who aren't for you, finding the people you have values, matches with living full out in all of your energy, your beauty, your joy, your wanting to make money together, like those are all good things to me yeah, money is freedom and yeah, and you know, wisdom, wisdom is freedom too, if you've done work on yourself.
Speaker 1:So what I love about you and your energy and you just coming out and saying I don't care what anyone thinks of me, this is who I am, I'm going to be who I am who I want to be that gives people permission. There are still women at our age that don't feel like they have permission. Fewer and fewer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's changing fast, good, good.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about that. So, in terms of high achieving women, I love them. Many high achieving women. They struggle with balancing ambition and intimacy. So, yeah, it correlates with a little bit with what I just said about the pivoting and, you know, segwaying, and so what do you have to say about that? How can women tap into their sexuality without losing their drive and ambition?
Speaker 2:The more you tap into your sexuality, the more drive and ambition you have. Sexuality is very rebooting of your nervous system. It generates a lot of oxytocin. It floods you with feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. You just get so many physical and emotional benefits from having orgasms. Great sex is highly orgasmic and deeply heart connected to yourself or to your lover, and good sex is a practice.
Speaker 2:The reason that my brand is Better Lover is that we can understand how to procreate, but we were never taught female pleasure-based sex education, especially everything that we see in porn, the movies. Everything about sex is through the male gaze and it's very repressing to women. So you have to learn skills, you have to learn your body. You have to orgasmically activate yourself. You have to orgasmically cross-train.
Speaker 2:I like a lot of sex toys because they really help awaken all the neural pathways to your biggest sex organ, your brain, and they light up your system. They light you up orgasmically and I wouldn't have sex without having tons of orgasms. Orgasms are all just learned skills. As a matter of fact, on my website I literally just teach you how to have over 20 kinds of orgasms that all bodies can have. I don't even charge for it because it's very, very important to know that, wherever you are in your sexuality, whatever your orgasmic response is now, those are just the neural pathways that you have so far. There's so many ways to have orgasms that you don't want to short change yourself from orgasmic ecstasy, and the more that you do it, the better you get, the more confident you get, the more you love your body and appreciate it, the less you have body image issues, the more you're able to flip into heart connection and pleasure and surrender to it, the better that does. Washing out the stress, the cortisol. You know oxytocin is kind of like the antidote to cortisol, so it's very, very good for you to generate a lot of oxytocin as well. So all of these things are just as important as eating lots of veggies, healthy foods, whole foods and moving your body.
Speaker 2:You know everybody talks about sleep. You know everybody talks about sleep, exercise and nutrition. But sex is the, you know, like the unspoken fourth leg of that solid table. Because of the sexual repression we have in our society, people don't talk about it and because nobody knows what they're doing, because they haven't figured it out yet and this is what I've dedicated my life to is expanding heart connection, orgasmic pleasure. And, interestingly, you said connection to source, because that is another thing that sex gives you is a palpable connection to source. Even with your lover in a conjoined trance state of ecstasy, you can touch source together. She enters the room. This is why spiritual sexuality, tantric lovemaking, these kinds of things are so powerful, Because they teach us.
Speaker 1:I think it's the closest thing to God when you can have really good sex with somebody or like yourself it is. It's like walking through the gates of heaven, Like I can't imagine it being any better. I'm sure it is. When you finally get there, it keeps getting better. Yeah, and we were talking I hadn't really meant to bring this up, but we were talking before I hit record about hormones, right, and how you know there are a lot of younger women. They're saying that their estrogen levels are getting lower and lower. So it could be because of our foods we're not eating, right?
Speaker 2:Plastic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, More not enough sexual experiences and connection happening, and it's lowering estrogen, because I do know that it makes you happy and all those other hormones raise and it makes you want to connect. So where was I going with that? Well, I think what I meant was getting healthier, understanding hormones and how hormones play a part and almost activating. And you know I talk about midlife. I talked to midlife women. I'm in, I'm in my fifties and I had to reacquaint myself with the proper levels of estrogen and it was like wow.
Speaker 1:And an interesting thing happened, I was told by this hormone specialist before I started taking them, because I chose a doctor that, uh, believes in a little bit higher dose than some others, so not just to suppress the symptoms but to actually take you back to when you were in your twenties and thirties, the levels you were supposed to be in, that God meant you to be at, and, and in doing so it changed a lot of things. But, um, where I was going with that gosh, I kind of got lost in it, cause it's kind of a fun topic for me, but I think that, and so I feel like that I have become the person that I was meant to be and maybe even, um, have higher levels than I actually did in my twenties and thirties. So we all have varying levels. But one of the things that the hormone coach had said to me it's coming to me now is that I said, oh my gosh, I'll gain weight Cause she had kind of slipped that in there. You might gain 10 pounds or so.
Speaker 1:And I was like Whoa and um. I said I'm not gonna like that idea. And I did, I gained 15 pounds. And she goes guess what, you won't care. And I said well, that's, that's unheard of. Like what do you mean? And she was right. So what she meant was you'll be more comfortable with yourself, so you won't be focused and fixated on. Oh my gosh. And so now when I see women fixating on that, I realized they're just not where they're mentally supposed to be, or they're just not comfortable with themselves because there's an imbalance going on and we were fixated on the wrong things, which reminds me of what you talk about with sexual confidence, making money. They're all connected.
Speaker 1:Yeah they really are. So if that's happening with how we feel about ourselves, then it's definitely happening, and happening in business, it's definitely happening in the bedroom, and we're not even getting close to the connections that we're meant to make and the level of income that we're supposed to get to and be comfortable with that. Okay, so let's talk about feminine energy and wealth creation again, just like. Let's talk a little bit more about that. And can women truly thrive in a masculine dominated world without sacrificing their sensuality? I think you kind of touched on that a little bit. Did you want to touch on it anymore?
Speaker 2:Well, I guess I would just like to get rid of this notion of a masculine dominated world and let's all just start stepping into these jobs and demanding equal pay and taking on and believing in ourselves and changing the rules, Because the way businesses are run right now is not really great. We could do a lot better If women could run government and run the world. Everything would be so much more enriched in so many ways, including financially. So I just think the era of men being in charge has come to an end. It needs to be a level playing field, but ultimately I think it would be better if women were in charge of most things at this point, because they've really fucked it up.
Speaker 1:Do you see that we're moving towards that? Yes, 100% yeah, we are Because there's a lot of talk about, you know, the new presidency causing us to go back in time, and I don't see it at all.
Speaker 2:It's the last gasp of them trying to hold on to the past and hold on to the power. It's over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like that there's enough women that are being put in power positions in this presidency. That's what I feel like there's enough. I shouldn't say there's enough, there's more, and I think we need to focus on that, and I think women in power don't, it doesn't have to look a certain way. So, okay, enough said about that. A lot of men tie their sense of worth into money and sexual performance. Can we touch on that in a minute for a minute? So what's the healthiest way? Cause you, you work with both men and women. I do. What's the healthiest way that men can balance ambition, financial success and have deep connected intimacy? It's easy.
Speaker 2:You just work on your career, learn to provide value, manage things well, make good decisions, keep your eye focused on your revenue and your salary and income and providing value and do well in your career and equally understand that you also have to focus on your sexual development. You have to learn skills. You have to understand how the body works, the difference between the male and female body. All of these things and watching porn is not how you learn that. That's how you learn what to do if men make up what sex looks like, not if women. If you want to be a man who makes love with women, you need to understand what women want.
Speaker 1:Do you really think that there's a lot of damage that's being done with porn being so easily accessible? Massive amounts of damage, yeah, and and it's. I think it's killing relationships. Oh yeah, there's an addiction component there, right there, for some men there's an addiction component as well.
Speaker 2:exactly, yeah, um, there's all kinds of problems with it, yeah.
Speaker 1:So do you feel like the? Is there an equal amount of men coming to you for help with regard to that, as women, there's no women coming to me with porn addictions. Well.
Speaker 2:I didn't really zero.
Speaker 1:I didn't necessarily, but I'm glad that you said that, because I hadn't thought of that. Actually, I just meant are there? Are there just as many men coming to you and saying I would like to get closer to my spouse or my girlfriend or lover, as women are?
Speaker 2:the kinds of orgasmic expansion that I briefly mentioned earlier, where most men come to me with issues around premature ejaculation, needing to gain ejaculatory choice, and they also come to me because their wives stop wanting them for sex and they feel really abandoned and upset.
Speaker 1:Why do you think she stops coming for sex?
Speaker 2:Because he's been having sex with her, uh like she's a dude, because that's all he's ever seen. It's not his fault, it's not their fault. They just don't understand how to make love, dealing with a male body and a female body together, and that's it just once. A guy learns some really basic things, it is very easy for him to start having a great sex life with his partner, but she doesn't want, she tends to not want it anymore because it's not that satisfying for her, she doesn't really like it. And a lot of women think it's menopause. But frankly, I mean, I think definitely that when your hormones begin to recede, you can have some libido issues, but it's equally nitric oxide production with blood flow to your pelvic bowl, but it's none of those physiologic issues. It's the fact that it's never been good enough to bother to keep doing it for them. They want to want him, but they don't. They feel like they have to drag themselves to give him mercy sex or he'll be miserable. And I just feel so bad that that's what happens so much of the time. And that's due to a lack of pleasure-based sex education. It's due to the fact that we even still think about sex as intercourse and we'd separate foreplay from sex and people rush through foreplay when all of those things are sex. There's so many things that you can learn and so many experiences that you can have. As a matter of fact, something that I put together about a year ago was you know, there's sex techniques, there's communication skills. There's all these things that you can learn, and I wanted to take it to the next level and say, okay, well, that's great, but how do you create these erotic play dates where you think about your sex life as not just this thing? We do? That's kind of the same over and over. How do we expand it so that your sex life becomes an erotic adventure with yourself or with your partner, with yourself and your partner? So I put together 48 erotic play dates that couples can essentially create their sex life bucket list, and it's free. It's at sex life bucket listcom. If you put that in your show notes, that'd be great and it's a free thing.
Speaker 2:And what I did was I created a PDF that you can download and you can print it out, and a little video, a 40 minute video, where it's your first erotic play date and I walk you and you, or you and your partner, if you're lucky enough to have a partner through each of the 48 erotic play dates, and then you mark each one. It has like a little line next to it where you mark it, a little circle A, b or C. A is oh, I definitely want to do this. Let's learn this together. B is well, I wouldn't be on my bucket list, but if you want to do it, I would totally do that with you. And C is it's not for me right now, because never say never.
Speaker 2:These erotic play dates are not weird. They're not going to make you uncomfortable. They're going to open your eyes to like, wow, I didn't know we could learn all these things. This is really interesting, because what happens with long-term relationships is that desire is lost, because desire is actually a combination of two things, of safety and trust and novelty and variety. And so most long-term married couples have lots and lots of safety and trust and very little novelty and variety. And so you know the spice it up is bringing in new things and learning new things together. To co-create that new relationship energy, to re-establish that new relationship energy, you try new things together.
Speaker 2:So when you have these erotic play dates, and now you've got your A-list and you merge them. Now you've got 10 things that you want to learn together that you want to try for maybe the first time. Or God, we talked about doing that, or we did that once and it was fun, or we did that and it didn't do that well, but I can see there's potential. Because that's the other thing about sex is it's like anything. When you're learning something the first time you make the recipe, it's, it's good. You're like I think I could make this again and I could do a better job. Same thing you begin to become a master chef when you've made that recipe and you know exactly how to perfectly crisp that chicken skin. You know not burn the bottom of the pan. So you have to be willing to try new things.
Speaker 1:You just reminded me of a quote. I think it goes small hinges open big doors. Yeah, little hinges swing big doors. Yep, so you were on a podcast. You've been on a lot of podcasts, but you're on a thousand.
Speaker 2:Shalene Johnson. Yeah, shaleen, I'm doing her conference, I'm speaking at her conference, coming up in Vegas. Yeah, are you?
Speaker 1:going to go. I don't have it on my calendar yet, but I hope you'll go real soon.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's April, april 30th, may 1st, okay.
Speaker 1:So you you have no problem getting really into the details of what a man should do, and I thought, oh, this is, this is something all men should know. I heard Dave Asprey say I'm going to try not to blush, but he said and I don't know if it's a talk, if he was in a podcast, I don't even know why he was saying it, but he was giving suggestions to men as well. That matched what you said and it's basically spend as much time as you can and just maybe even don't ejaculate that time, but just make it all about her. And I'm telling you, if more men did that, they'd have happy wives.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, there's a real bell curve around male ejaculation. Some men need frequent release and it's actually very healthy for them.
Speaker 1:Other men, when they release, they literally feel depressed afterward.
Speaker 2:It drains them. It drains them of their chi, and so this is like anything. You have to do it in moderation and listen to your body and the cycles and moods of your body, the level of health and internal resources you have, etc. When you're drained, why drain yourself some more? And when you get out of this notion that your job is to penetrate her and ejaculate inside her and you move from there to oh okay, well, whether I ejaculate or not is is, you know, neither here nor there.
Speaker 2:I can ejaculate anytime I want to. So I'm going to stop my focus on that and I'm going to put my focus on heart connection, pleasure, joy, learning to be a male, multiple, full body, energy orgasm guy or whatever. That's one of the things on the erotic play date is becoming, you know, learning how to have full body, energy orgasms as a man, so that you can come as much as you want without ejaculating, and you can ejaculate whenever you want to. That's called ejaculatory choice. So it's very interesting that it just switches the focus from I need to get off to I need to connect and pleasure, whatever that looks like, and we're going to do all sorts of things together. It just expands.
Speaker 1:Yes, I just have a suspicion that a lot of men don't do this and had never, if never, even thought about it. I'm not sure, but I think that you could just that one description that you gave on that podcast could change so many relationships.
Speaker 2:You're doing a good thing.
Speaker 1:You're doing a good thing. So let's, let's just talk real quick about sex and money and um, are those two of the most emotional? I know that there are two of the most emotionally charged words, aren't they? So, or topics. How can couples create harmony with sex and money? Because they say money is money, issues are the biggest. I have a hard time believing that, but they've always said that it's money. Issues lead to divorce, right? So the arguing I feel like you connect in bed and the rest just happens. What do you think?
Speaker 2:I think if you connect in bed, a lot of the money issues become less important.
Speaker 2:You know you get less annoyed by your partner, but there's a level of security and your needs being met and you know not wanting to struggle and all of those kinds, but there's a level of security and your needs being met and you know not wanting to struggle and all of those kinds of things.
Speaker 2:And a lot of people have a core wound around money. You know, a lot of people are triggered by the fact that I say things like I like to make money, I'm a deal doer, I'm a rainmaker, I'm focused on the revenue, I like to make the income, I like to help other people do it. And people are like God, she's so greedy or like it's their own filter around their own wound, around that. But for me, I love to make money because I like to be able to help more people do more things, have bigger impact. So when you start to think about it that way, it's like oh, I see, it's not really about her, it's about her effect, her positive effect, and I think that helps a lot. But remember, the two places where we're not educated at all are around money and sex.
Speaker 1:And you know, I'm generation X and I just that's not something that we talked about. No, we weren't allowed to, and it was kind of like you know, don't say those words, and so that kind of really doesn't lead to success in those areas, does it?
Speaker 2:No, it's damaging. As my friend Emily Morse says, communication is lubrication and the more that you talk, the more that you get on the same page, the more that you make agreements, you make goals, you divide and conquer, you use each other's talents to full effect, that you keep track, that you manage expenditures, that you cut costs where you can All of these things are really good to do. Same with sex. It's great to learn to watch videos together to. I have a program called the Steamy Sex Ed video collection. I'll send it to you and it's really really good because it's over 200 heart connected, passionate lovemaking techniques that couples can watch together Very relatable couples demonstrating 200 different techniques.
Speaker 2:There's oral pleasuring, manual pleasuring, like a genital massage you know erotic massage. There's sex positions, there's intercourse strategies, there's oral pleasuring. I think I might have said that and it's really nice because you're like, oh wow, I would have never thought to do that. Oh my God, that looks good. Will you do that for me?
Speaker 2:So it begins to give you the kind of information that you can see and you can talk about and you can try on each other. And then you realize, oh wow, I hardly know anything. I've got a couple things I know how to do, but there's a lot more out there. And then that opens you to realizing oh, I could really learn a lot more about passionate lovemaking. I want to learn how to do really good bedroom communication. I want to learn pillow talk and sensual talk. I want to learn how to give a yoni massage and a lingam massage. I want to learn how to give oral and receive oral and make it massively orgasmic. I want to try new sex positions. I want to incorporate toys. I want you know. Once you start going on it and you start trying things, you begin to talk about things, and when you talk about things, that just opens it up more and more. So it's the same answer for both things. We didn't get taught either one. There's shame around both and the shame is there to control us and I am uncontrollable, crystal.
Speaker 1:I'm a hard one to control as well. So why would you, why would you want to be controlled, right? So let's talk about dominance, cause that's kind of where I was going next. So there is this feeling that men that came from a certain era were taught to dominate and they tend to want to dominate and um, and these two areas, and so if that's the, let's talk about that. I know that you have an opinion about it. So if someone feels disconnected from their sexual power or stuck around money, do you feel like that comes from possibly somebody having this mentality of domination in their life? I hope I asked that question right. Did you understand what I was trying to say?
Speaker 2:Well, I'm going to answer it the way I think will be beneficial. Yeah, I understood. Don't let anybody put you in a box. Are all things? We are masculine, we are feminine, we are yin, we are yang, we are the sun, we are the moon, we are the multitudes inside us, and when you are thinking you need to be a certain way, that's someone else's programming telling you how you need to act. We can be soft and delicate, we can surrender to our woman and she can take control and pleasure us, and we can just receive, as the man, equally as well as the woman can be in receipt or in control, or going to switchy or getting to flow, and flow is where all of that disappears and all you are doing is meeting in bliss and heart connection, and it takes care of itself because now you're out of your mind and you are in your heart and body. You are in sensation, you are in pleasure, you are in love, you are in orgasm, you are in ecstasy, and that pathway is a learned skill and the more you get there, the easier it is to drop into it, and that just takes practice Instead of living a life that was prescribed for you by some external entities, cultures, religions, whatever it might be, who are trying to manipulate you.
Speaker 2:You decide who you are in every single moment and allow yourself to be all the sun and the moon. To be all the sun and the moon, and I just think it's. You're just caught in a paradigm if you're frustrated around those expectations, and we will love you for everything you show up to be. We want more from you. We want it all. We don't want you acting some role. We want to know the essential you. That's the beautiful you, so express that.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like you work with couples more? That was a great answer. I'm kind of blown away at how well you can articulate all of this because it's so complicated, but it doesn't have to be and calling masculine and feminine, me calling it that in this conversation several times, and you just continually. You've got a pattern going like Crystal quit calling it that and you're doing it Well it's just, yeah, I mean I think it's.
Speaker 2:It feels dated to me now, Don't you think, Once you hear me talking about it differently?
Speaker 1:it does feel dated, doesn't it? It goes away when both are doing the dance properly.
Speaker 2:Just you be you. I love everything about you. You can be a badass bitch and I will love you for that. And you can be the daintiest little feminine, slutty lingerie, wearing stripper shoes, prancing around cooking me dinner, and I will love that too. Right, I mean it's I like all. I like to be all those people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, and men deserve to be all those people too. Maybe not the stripper shoes, unless that's what they're really into, but you know, they deserve to be soft and loving and sweet and playful, and in that part of themselves they don't always have to be showing up in this role.
Speaker 1:So um, especially if he's a Pisces, that might not even be what he's comfortable with anyway, and he's been forced into that by society, yeah yeah, so, um, so how do people come to you work with you? And I wanted to also ask in there do couples come to you? Do you work?
Speaker 2:with them. No, I don't work with anyone, okay, uh, no, I do know one on one. So I'm not a therapist or psychologist. I'm a publisher of passionate lovemaking techniques. I've published 44 books and programs that teach heart, connected, conscious, passionate lovemaking techniques, and 34 of them are my own books from the last two decades books and programs and 10 of them are the work of my mentors, whose legacies I want to carry on because they are unbelievable and I don't want their work to get lost. I want it to get carried forward and available to anyone or anywhere around the world.
Speaker 2:So my entire media empire is primarily just digital audio video, ebooks, etc. Because you don't have to buy a physical book. That stuff's going away now. I mean, yeah, sometimes it's nice to hold a book in your hands, but it's just all digital and dynamic. Now it's dynamic with AI and all of those things. Dynamic now, it's dynamic with AI and all of those things. So I don't work with anybody one-on-one. I just do my newsletter at betterlovercom and I have all the books and programs that anybody wants. But so much of what I do is free and I do videos. I have a YouTube channel Better Lover YouTube channel and that's got hundreds of hundreds of videos. Go to my websites and use the search box on anything. I've said, anything you can think up and I've probably covered it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to put all of that in the show notes. So please go and do that and have better sex, because only live once, or?
Speaker 2:maybe not.
Speaker 1:But it's going to make you a better person. Yeah, that's what I believe it's going to make. The more connected we are and the more we're bringing each other on that level, um the less, uh, conflict is going to happen, and you know, that goes for politics, it goes for money, it goes for all of it, and just I think we just need to come back together and just so. We're looking at the age of Aquarius, right, and this revolution that we're seeing in medical and all these different industries, and it's it's time for us to come together in the bedroom as well, right? So I want to say thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Crystal. I've been so. I've really enjoyed our conversation today. I was looking forward to it, since we met.
Speaker 1:Good and I and I know that you had a really busy January February, so I gave you a couple of months there to catch up. But I want to say thank you, though, for in this I don't even care if this sounds cheesy, but thank you for probably changing thousands and thousands of people's lives, which I'm sure that you have in your 44 books, and you're doing something that not very many people can do because it's taboo, right, and it shouldn't be. I know You're going to help bring or I'm sure you already have helped save marriages. Yeah, we even helped bring more babies into the world, and I can just go on and on. In in sex is just as money or sex, sex is just as important as any other relationship, um, in a marriage, for instance, and I just feel like that. It's it. This needs to be the wave of the future and personally, I think porn should go away.
Speaker 2:It's not going to go away. So all we can do is raise awareness that that is just one male gaze paradigm and it's created primarily for men to masturbate to, and it has its place and hopefully men will enjoy it in its place, but also realize that there are ways that you can become an incredible lover with another human being, and that'll be and maybe I shouldn't say go away.
Speaker 1:Maybe that's not even a fair statement. I believe, definitely believe, in freedom of speech, but I'm noticing that states are now putting a protection on that, where it was just so easily findable for for our youth, and I feel like that was pretty harmful for our youth to actually come across online. And now I think they've got some laws and restrictions. You know, just just protect what is sacred is what I the only thing that I really meant by that. So thanks.
Speaker 2:Maybe even just balance it out more. If there's going to be freedom of speech and there's going to be pornography, don't diminish or make it difficult for sex educators to teach heart connected, passionate, passionate love making techniques. To balance it out. Don't lump us in with porn. Understand that there are many of us who are teaching the skills that people really need to have the life that they deserve. That's a, I think, a better way to look at it like I don't want to yuck somebody.
Speaker 2:I don't want to yuck somebody else's yum. I don't need to eradicate pornography, I just want to be the antidote to it.
Speaker 1:I love that and I think that's a great place to end and I hope that you will come back. I would love to have you back so Ageless Ambition. It's a membership site is going to be up and going very soon and I would love for you to. I'm going to put this in there and I would love to maybe even do a workshop or a class with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that'd be great. I'd love to do that, and I'd love to talk about female pleasure and how our libido, desire and arousal are a matrix that work together and completely differently than in male bodies. I could talk about the difference between the male and the female on all three of those axes and then talk about things like orgasmic activation and cross-training and communication skills, and those are some of the fundamentals that I'm over here going wow, susan, my favorite topic.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank you so much, susan and everyone, go to the show notes and start digging into our content. It's good stuff. Bye-bye.
